If you’re a father going through a divorce in New York, you may be worried about the time you get to spend with your children after the process is finalized. You don’t want to become a holi-dad.
A holi-dad is someone who basically just shows up on the holidays or for big events — Christmas, graduation, birthdays, etc. This term often refers to fathers who choose to be uninvolved and don’t want to be around more than that, and it has a severe negative connotation. However, you may be worried that the court will barely give you any custody time and you’ll become a holi-dad — whether you want to or not.
Why is this a problem?
Clearly, the first reason that this is a problem is that you want to be more involved with the kids. You want to see them. You don’t want the court to take away that ability.
But it’s much deeper than that, and it transcends your personal desires for your post-divorce life. Studies have found that shared custody is best for children, and it definitely helps their development and growth if they have two parents who are involved. Even after divorce, if parents can stay involved, they can dramatically help children have positive experiences.
Your real reason for not wanting to be relegated to holidays, then, is that you love your children and you want what is best for them. You want to focus on their best interests, and you hope that the court will, as well. Make sure you know about all of the legal options that you have as this process gets underway.